Strength

Not many posts since I have arrived on Koh Yao Noi, but that is mainly because I have been attempting to have a vacation and relax.  Not working so far, simply because I am expecting too much of myself.  I have come to a Muay Thai camp with the plan of training and then doing island-type things during the rest of the day.  That said, coming to any new camp is always a steep learning curve - not a bad thing because it means learning new techniques that will better me as a teacher and fighter.  I've had both good and bad experiences across Thailand at various camps.  So far, this hasn't been one of the good experiences, and this is weighing heavily on me.  Every camp is different, has their own style, techniques, ways of doing things.  Here, the routine is a warm-up, shadow boxing, and then about an hour of sparring followed by clinch, and then only 2 rounds of pads.  By the time I get to the pad rounds, I am exhausted - the heat in the afternoon here, with the sun shining directly into the gym, zaps energy like you wouldn't believe.  Even with 2 weeks in Cambodia, I find myself crashing in the heat and am thus pretty useless during pad rounds, and am not enjoying sparring every single day for that amount of time.  I'm not enjoying myself.  I try the "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" motto, but this fails in light of "this is just not any fun" reality.  Now I know that a few weeks in this, and I'd be fine, but right now, I'm exhausted 3/4 of the way through a session.  Even running is brutal.

The problem is that crashing and being exhausted, coupled with being yelled at continually for not doing techniques the way the head trainer wants, makes me feel weak, physically and mentally.  I don't like quitting, giving up, but feel that if I am not toughing it out every day, I'm doing exactly that - wimping out, that I'm not as strong, mentally, as I would like to think I am.  Maybe that's a good self-realization to have - own up to it.  Or maybe it's the snark part of the brain having its way.  It's hard to tell when you feel you are letting yourself down and should be taking up basket weaving or something less mentally and physically demanding.