Razor wire and Isaan chicken

 Bangkok is a political hot spot right now, as anyone who pays any attention to international news will know.  As a result, multiple locations in the city are rally or protests sites.  Currently, those are centred around the main shopping area - Siam Centre, MBK - the BTS station at Asoke, and up north at Lad Prao near Chatuchak Market.  Until the shutdown started 2 weeks ago, there were also two major rally sites near our hotel - one at Democracy Monument (near KhaoSan road) and then along Ratchadamnoern Road, a major thoroughfare at the north end of which you can find Ratchadamnoern (Raja) Muay Thai stadium.  The stadium has been closed for many weeks as a result of the protest activity, and was hosting major fight cards at Lumpinee instead. I feel sad walking past the deserted stadium.

Razor wire near the UN building.

Last night, I decided to take Dermot, Susan and Rory, along with Henrik, our colleague from the Oslo Geologic Museum, and his wife, for Isaan food out by Raja stadium. I knew that the area had once been a major rally site (the UN building is 2 doors down from Raja stadium), but also knew that it was not longer active.  What I didn't expect was that although it is not truly active, it is still barricaded and looks a bit like a summer music festival...  but with razor wire, tire and sandbag barricades, and the ever-present threat of danger due to tension and an emotionally-charged crowd.  There was music, there were protest stages with one man doing a shadow puppet show, there were PDRC protestors walking about, blowing whistles.  Although not the screaming, chaotic mess that the current "active" protest sites are, it was still occupied.  And at night, although it did not feel dangerous, it definitely felt like a place you didn't want to hang out at.

Walking along the road, I must admit I did do an internal check - is this a smart idea?  It was dark, I was leading 5 people who have never been to Bangkok or Thailand before, and maybe this wasn't the part of the culture that they wanted or needed to see!  The thought of charcoal-grilled chicken and som tam won out.

I'm reading "Deep Survival" by Laurence Gonzales and just today was reading about how an emotional response giving a certain feeling, positive or negative, can cause you to do things that aren't necessarily "smart".  I think the highly positive emotional response of eating Isaan chicken, the feeling of pleasure that this gives, overrode the rational thought of "don't bring Thailand newbies into a war zone"!!  The really important thought that went through my head was "This place had better still be open!!".  Sure enough, it was.

We were the only farang in the restaurant and enjoyed a plethora of Isaan food - grilled chicken, som tam, laab moo, grilled pork neck, etc.  A good time was had by all!  Given my coma-like state due to sleep deprivation, I stayed away from beer, much to the surprise and disappointment of my mineralogy colleagues who are used to me being able to stand toe-to-toe with them on the beer front.  But it just wasn't happening.  I would have been a snoring mess underneath the table.

This morning, I decided to take my running route back past this site and see how extensive it was, bringing along my phone to take some photos.

Monks out for morning alms, walking along the bridge road.

Monks during morning alms walking through the PDRC protest site.  I like the last one smiling at me.

The site extends the full extent of the road from the UN to Democracy Monument and is a rabbit warren of pup tents, portapotties, food vendors, stages for speeches and meeting areas.  Everyone was milling around happily, eating breakfast, relaxing, talking.  It certainly did not have the air of danger that the news would have you believe - and much more relaxing than it was the previous evening in the dark.  No one took much notice of a farang in Thai shorts running past.  I actually spent about 15 minutes talking to one protestor about Muay Thai and then stood around for the Thai national anthem at 8am.  Not  hostile environment.

PDRC protest site, 8am.

Democracy Monument - empty.

Our hotel is 2 doors down from an advanced polling station.  Advanced polls for the February 2nd election started today, with protestors shutting many of them down and not allowing people to vote.  Around 10am, just after the polls opened, a large congregation of protestors showed up on our soi and started with singing, blowing whistles and speeches.  There was a bit of pushing and shoving between protestors and the police present - not a good sign.  It didn't have a good feel.  Unlike talking the protestors 2 hours before hand, who were very pleasant, the ruckus on our soi was nothing of the ilk.  We were headed out to Chatuchak Market so did a detour the long way around to avoid walking through the noisy cluster.  Better safe than sorry.

PDRC protestors outside advanced polling station on Samsen Soi 3

I don't know why particularly, but I am glad that I went through the mostly inactive Ratchadamnoern site today.  Knowing that a random grenade was unlikely, it was interesting to talk to those directly involved, camped out for weeks at a time for something they believe.  Although I don't necessarily agree with their actions, I have to give them credit for sticking up for what they feel is right. 

Prik nam plaa? Or nam plaa prik? That is the question

4 out of 5 of our 2014 Rockin4Tabitha house build team are now in place - Dermot, Susan and Rory arrived yesterday around supper time and we spent an enjoyable evening out and about.  Given that we've been planning the build and the zircon hunting trip since I was in Melbourne in July, this gathering has been a long time coming!!!

We started with supper at a little place on Samsen Soi 2 - pak boong (morning glory), pad thai goong, chicken with cashew and a whole steamed snapper.  Arroy mak mak!  No pictures, as by the time I took out my camera, the meal was demolished.

Rory, Me, Susan and Dermot - 1st night in Bangkok

After supper, we wandered through Banglampoo and then on to Khao San.  I don't know if it's just me, but there is a definite lack of farang here right now.  Khao San was nowhere near as busy as it usually is - the heavy, frantic, noisy packs of drunken idiots aren't here.  The political issues must be scaring some of them off.  We wound up stopping for another Chang near Rambuttri, and then continuing on to Ad Here the 13th, the blues bar on Samsen Road.  The regular house band came on around 10pm and was fantastic as usual. 

The Banglampoo Band, Ad Here the 13th

Bathroom at a bar near Rambuttri - do I even want to know why you might need tongs in the toilet???

 We stayed for one set, and then headed back to our hotel for what I hoped was a good night's sleep. 

Not the case!  The combination of a few beers (much more than my intake over the last many months which have averaged one beer every week or every other week), jet-lag, and the niggling stress of having lost luggage resulted in a sleepless night for me.  I was wide awake at 3:45am and couldn't get back to sleep.  Ugh.  The only advantage/blessing to this horrible phenomenon is the fact that at 4:30am I was able to hear the reception phone ringing downstairs and hear a truck pull up outside - could it be that my bag had arrived?   I dressed quickly and snuck downstairs, trying to avoid making too much noise on the squeaky, rickety wooden stair.  And wonder of wonders, there is a man outside the gate pulling my bag out of the back!  Yeah!!  I woke up the sleeping staff member who unlocked the gate and quietly snuck back upstairs with my long-lost luggage.  It was like Christmas opening it up - clean clothes and toiletries!
I spent some time organizing and taking out the smaller carry-on bag I plan to take to Cambodia.  The larger bag got packed with the spoils from my trip to Fairtex Bangplee that morning - shiny new shin guards and hand wraps - and the other gear I don't need in Cambodia.  

Shiny new Fairtex shin guards!  First new ones in 7 years.

I spent the remainder of the night/morning reading and checking/responding to email.  It was a long wait until sunrise when I figured that the best thing I could do was go for a run.  6:30am and I was out on the road, headed to Sanam Luang on my regular 5 km loop. I didn't feel too bad actually, but I was wearing my heart rate monitor and was amazed at how high my HR was headed - a function of jet-lag I hope?  I wasn't moving that fast to have my HR reach 173 bpm!  But I have felt quite rev'd up for the last 24 hours, am likey dehydrated, and lacking in sleep.  I am hoping that tonight I am able to get a full, solid night of good sleep and back at 100% tomorrow. 

Aftermy run and breakfast, I met up with Dermot, Susan and Rory and we planned out the morning.  We wound up taking a river taxi down to Wat Pho where they planned to do all the regular touristy things - Grand Palace, Wat Pho, Wat Arun, etc. Given that I have done those stops a number of times, and that by this point in the morning I was quite light-headed and somewhat nauseated, I bowed out, left them to it, and walked back through the amulet market, stopping for pork and rice for lunch, and then back to the hotel.  I've been trying to nap all afternoon but alas, there are Muay Thai fights on Channel 3 and Channel 11 and I have been alternating between an attempted nap and watching the fights.  The Channel 3 fights were amazing - tough, fast.  None of the "feeling out" process that happens in the first 3 rounds at Lumpinee or Raja.  This was balls to the walls, bring it on right from the first bell.  Excellent fights to watch - one fantastic KO by elbow, and one nak muay who had the fastest inside leg kick I have ever seen.  This guy kicked three times, both inside and outside, faster than most people do 1 or 2.  Ouchie!  Impressive.  Channel 5, out near Chatuchak Market, has a fight card on tomorrow afternoon (free!) so since the gang want to go to Chatuchak, I might stop in there and catch a few fights as well. 

Tonight we are having a mineralogist gathering.  Actually, more specifically, a museum mineralogist gathering!!  Henrik, a transplanted Dane who is now working as the curator at the Oslo Museum, is here on holidays with his wife.  They are staying with friends somewhere off Sukumvit, but they are meeting us here, away from the main protest sites, for supper.  I find it quite amazing, and amusing, that the three of us are here in Bangkok together - we generally only see each other at conferences or visits to our respective museums.  I think I will take them to the Isaan restaurants near Raja stadium - something a bit different and off the beaten track.  :)  But one thing is certain - it's going to be an early night for me!!

One night (morning) in Bangkok - arrival

I love arriving in Bangkok.  It's like stepping out of my regular life and into a more relaxed version of me.  That first step outside the airport is the pivotal moment in making my jet-lagged mind realize that I have arrived, and not for the reasons that most people think of - the heat, the swarms of people, the endless rows of cabs waiting for you.  No, what gets me first is the smell - part smoke, part incense, part jasmine, part smog, part jet fuel, part diesel and propane, part sweat of humanity, both farang and Thai.  Bangkok and Kathmandhu smell the same and unless you have experienced this, or at least paid attention when you have arrived, you'll know what I mean.  No other two places I have been, and there are a lot of them, smell like BKK and KAT.  I think the major underlying smell that triggers my senses, and memories, is the smoke and incense.  Although Bangkok is not the mountainous world of Nepal, I immediately think of the Himalayas when I arrive here. 

It wasn't the perfect trip to get here - my flight from Ottawa to Washington was delayed so I had to be rerouted in order to make any connections to Asia.  The travel gods are jokers - they were initially goodto me and instead of the convoluted Ottawa-Washington-LA-Beijing-Bangkok flight that I could have been stuck with, I was lucky that two business men grabbed an earlier flight to Chicago, which freed up their seats for me, followed by connections to Hong Kong and Bangkok with Cathay Pacific.  Hmmm.. United versus Cathay Pacific...  let me think which might be more pleasant!! Similarly, the routing was much more ideal - 15 hours to Hong Kong, but then only 2.5 to Bangkok.  But alas, the travel gods give and take and in this case their blood sacrifice to providing me with a better airline (and better food) and a preferred routing was my luggage.  It didn't arrive in Bangkok last night, which really wasn't surprising.  I was able to file a lost luggage report, leaving the fate of all my packed crap in their hands, and came to the Best Western to await its fate.  Luckily,Thai Airways called this morning and the wayward luggage has been located and will be delivered to the Samsensam Place Guesthouse around midnight tonight. Yeah!!  The travel gods are like Kokopelli, the Hopi Indian trickster god. 

I always stay at the same Best Western near the airport upon arrival in Bangkok.  Been staying here for 7 years now and I like the predictability, the "welcome home" feeling it gives me.  I wake up, generally go for a run (although not this morning as all of that gear is in my luggage) and then walk slowly through the market back to the hotel.  This morning instead of a run, I walked down to the local market in order to find socks and breakfast.

Fruit vendors at the local market.  No mangosteens for some reason.

 Local markets in the morning fascinate me.  I love wandering around the veggie and meat/fish sections, although I always feel conspicous.  It's not like I am going to buy a whole live carp or a pig head, and I know the vendors know that, but I still like to look. It's always fun to play "what in the world is that?" with some of the items!!  This is real Thailand, not the farang markets in downtown Bangkok, part of the reason I like making this my first stop upon arriving.

Flowers for offerings

Random stuff for sale with soi dog in a t-shirt

Men selling amulets - these guys are here every year, no fail.

Mmmmmmm...  bbq'd chicken....

This morning I was able to score socks for $1 (the only ones I have with me are my black compression socks for flying and I would like like a tourist walking around with kneehighs and shorts...) and then found pork and greens with rice for breakfast.  Simple but oh so quintessentially Thai. I followed that with fresh espresso before walking back here to the hotel. Welcome home! 

Printed on the side of a delivery truck.

The end of an era - 2002 to 2014

CWSF 2008 Bid Team (St. John's, Newfoundland, CWSF 2004)

CWSF 2007 and CWSF 2008 Co-Chairs - L-R - Steve, Paula, Michael, Gilles, James & Chris (Truro, 2007)

CWSF 2008 Co-Chairs:  James, Gilles & Paula (CWSF 2008, Ottawa)

CWSF 2008 Co-Chairs:  Gilles, James & Paula (Ottawa, January 16th, 2014)

Today was definitely the end of an era - the Canada-Wide Science 2008 era which started in 2002 when James and I were in Saskatoon and decided that we would bid for the 2008 CWSF.  Today we closed down the bank account and transferred all remaining funds to the Ottawa Regional Science Fair.  It's the last official act we have done as Co-Chairs and decided a celebratory lunch/beer at the Manx, where so, so many Co-Chair meetings were held, was in order.  It hardly seems possible that 5.5 years have passed since CWSF 2008 ended in all its chaotic, wonderful glory.  Given that I started with CWSFs in 1990, it's certainly been a long-haul for me, but a great one.  It did take me quite a while to recover from our Fair - it wasn't easy, physically or mentally.  Being in charge of a $1 Million project and a +50 member volunteer committee was brutal and I'm not sure I would do it again, but I certainly don't regret doing it in the first place!  That day in Saskatoon where we sat down with Gord Belfry and told him our crazy plan, it was the starting point of a journey which brought so many amazing friends into my life and left me with hundreds of memories.  I wish Gord had still been alive in 2008 to see our crazy idea come to fruition, but I know he would have been proud. 

We poured our heart and soul into the bid in 2004 and when Lorne announced that we had won the bid for 2008, it was an amazing feeling - both a huge relief and also that "uh oh" moment where you know the hard work was just about to begin.  But all the Fairs from that point on are part of who I am, friends who turned into family, friends who you only physically saw once a year but with whom you shared an amazingly strong bond.  Especially the boys in kilts from Truro - I miss them a lot.  Steve especially.  He was my rock for so many years.  I miss the endless, sleepless nights, the safety checks, bus trips, the crazy hours leading up to the awards ceremony, the crazy awards ceremonies themselves!  even the crazy antics in the offices when no one was thinking straight, sleep-deprived and not getting along but knowing that everything we were doing was for the kids and that in the long run, we were all family and would do it all again in an instant (after 48 straight hours of sleep of course).  I remember the night we ran away from the University of Calgary security for no good reason other than they showed up!  Dairy Queen.  The whistles in St. John's.  Don dropping me on my head in Truro.  Kissing the cod in St. John's.  Giving a speech to open up our own Fair.  So many memories and thank god for photos!   

2009 in Winnipeg was my last CWSF, and even then I only went for a few days.  I was burned out after our Fair - not surprisingly!  But I do miss it and hope to return to my roots soon.  And today was good - a reminder of where my roots are and of that huge part of me which I have ignored since 2009.  I needed the break though.  But maybe it's time to return. 

SE Asia for the 8th time

In 10 days I'll be headed back across the planet to Bangkok for the 8th time.  Hard to believe it's been that many times!  The first time I went, I was so naive, got suckered with all the regular farang scams in Bangkok - the temples are closed, let me take you on a tour of my cousin's gem store, or taxi drivers not putting the meter on.  Now, I feel like it is home and not much fazes me.  Mai pen rai, just take it easy, chill out and be on Thai-time.

This year is a mix of house-building and gem hunting in Cambodia and then 2 weeks of holidays on Koh Yao Noi in Thailand.  Almost 5 weeks in total and I so can't wait!!  Winter came too early and has been coming on strong ever since - it's time for some Vitamin D and warmth!

Our build team is small this year - only 5 people:  myself as team leader due to the fact that our regular fearless leaders aren't able to make it for the first time in 8 years; a member of the Tabitha Board from here in Ottawa, Thora; and friends of mine from Melbourne, Australia, Dermot, Susan and their son Rory.  Dermot is a colleague from the Melbourne Museum who got interested in Cambodia after I gave a talk about the Ratanakiri zircons to the Mineral Society of Victoria back in July.  When he mentioned a few days later that he would be interested in both the zircons and the house building, it was a pleasant surprise!  And thus the planning for this trip began.  We have a newbie build team - with the exception of myself, none of the other 4 have built before and, I suspect, are going to be slightly shocked at the reality of rural Cambodia.  I actually enjoy watching newbies in Cambodia, and Thailand for that matter.  Seeing their eyes wide open full of wonder and shock is sort of fun and reminds me of how I was the first couple of years.  And how I still am at certain times.

I'm meeting Dermot, Susan and Rory in Bangkok where we will take a few days to acclimatize.  More so for me than them as they don't have a big time change and are not coming from -30 deg C weather!  We then fly to Phnom Penh to meet Thora and do all the pre-build necessities - trips to the Killing Fields and Tuolsleng for the rest of them, meeting with a few potential donors and finalizing details with Hanuman Travel for me.  I think that we need to check out the cow-on-a spit restaurant that Andy, Ralph and I discovered in 2012 as well.  

Rockin4Tabitha 8, 2012, Koh Kong province

We're building 10 houses in Preah Vihear province, near the capital of Tbeang Meanchey.  I've never been to this area so am quite excited.  With only 5 builders and 10 houses, you can bet we're going to be exhausted after the two days.  What is also interesting about this area is that it is also a zircon-mining area during the wet season.  Which leads nicely into the next part of the trip - gem hunting.

After we exhaust ourselves building 10 houses, Votha, our guide from 2012, is going to meet us in Tbeang Meanchey where he will help us find a few gem dealers in the town prior to heading out for the wild, wild East of Ban Lung early the next morning.  We're once again staying at the amazing Treetop Eco Lodge where the beer was always cold, the spiders were as big as small cats, and the gibbons sang all night long, competing with the Khmer karaoke down the road. 

Bungalow at the Treetop EcoLodge, Ban Lung, Ratanakiri province, Cambodia

Downtown Ban Lung - taxi service, pets allowed.

Baddeleyite dendrites on zircon crystal

Heat-treated, faceted and rough zircons, Ratanakiri province

My objective on this trip is to find (1) xenocrysts in matrix, and (2) accessory xenocrysts, hopefully attached together.  This might be a mineralogical pipe-dream, but right now, a clump of xenocrysts in association with a nice big zircon would be the icing on top of the cake for our study.  Unfortunately, everything is so weathered in the region that loose grains are all that seem possible.  It might mean scouring the countryside, looking at outcrop a bit more in key areas to find places where the correct basalt layers are exposed.  Or it could mean sitting myself down in the middle of a pile of dirt and hand-sorting through the lateritic mess along with the miners.  If I can convince them that it's not the zircons I want but everything else, they might allow me to do this.

Negative feldspar (?) xtal in zircon, 1 cm

Cathodoluminescence image of sector-zoned zircon crystal, Ratanakiri province, Cambodia

After hunting zircons, we head back to Phnom Penh and then part ways the following morning.  I get to head to Bangkok and then down to Phuket on a fast Air Asia flight, only to find my way to the pier to grab a ferry over to Koh Yao Noi.

There isn't much on the island except fishing villages, a few resorts, a lot of white beach, karst sandstone formations, and one Muay Thai gym - Koh Yao Noi Muay Thai.  The plan is to train, sleep, eat, sit on the beach, dive, and relax.  The mainland is only a short ferry ride away, and my friends over at Oceanic Dive Centre will be more than happy to welcome me on a few dives after this many years.  The question right now is how much diving equipment to pack, if any.  Maybe just my mask.  It's been ages since I have been back to this part of the world - 2008 actually, my first trip.  Can't wait!!

2014 - a fresh start

It's been a quiet year in the blog-o-sphere, but that is okay as much of what the little gerbils in my head were pondering was not really suitable to the general public!  It's been a long past 2 years, oh great followers (all 2 of you!), but as the saying goes, I have come out the other side.  You either stay where you are, stagnate and don't grow, or you face your demons, work through the hard stuff, accept the growing pains and resultant scars, and move on, hopefully as a better person, more aware.  I think I have done the latter, partially due to some hard lessons and tough love, and partially due to a full year of therapy!  At least I would like to think I am in a better head space, better than I have been in in 10 years actually, and I'm hoping that the few who know me well enough can attest to this.

So 2014 begins!  I plan for it to be a good one.  And, although it's only January 11th, it has been good so far.  Having a positive outlook does help.  Professionally, so far so good - I was just granted Adjunct Professor status in the Department of Earth Sciences at Laurentian University, and just had 2 papers published in Canadian Mineralogist.  My research is (mostly) moving forward and, as a researcher, I have a much better sense of who I am.  I am not as dependent on other people to help me, guide me, nor do I feel the need to justify my thoughts to anyone else or look for approval, and am feeling much more confident in my conclusions.  Traveling by myself to a number of labs and museums this past summer, and having a PhD student, has demonstrated to me that I am actually smart, a good scientist, and can hold my own in this world of mineralogical research.  My ideas are not insignificant, I don't have to take a backseat to my older, male colleagues.  I have moved out from underneath the shadow of my mentors, my elders, and allowed myself to stand up and say hell ya, actually, I am a good mineralogist.  I may be right, I may be wrong, but if I do my best, that is all I can ask out of myself, and let others have their own opinions.  What other people think is NOT the most important thing.  I don't have to live up to anyone's expectations except MY OWN.  And even then, my own expectations might be a bit too high most of the time!  It may sound trivial, but it has been a HUGE step for me.  I think it makes me a better researcher, a better collaborator, a better colleague.

Having confidence in myself as a scientist has allowed me to have confidence in myself outside of work.  I'm more comfortable in my own skin lately.  It has taken hours and hours of therapy to allow me to realize that I am a good person and to actually accept the fact that people WANT to be around me.  And that I shouldn't let other people control my emotions or my sense of self-worth or take me for granted.  It's taken a some, well, difficult periods and blow-outs, some growing pains, with good friends to teach me a few very important lessons.  Two of those relationships survived and, I think, are stronger for it.  I cherish those two more each day and feel I can be more open with both of them without fear and without minimizing myself and my feelings.  One of the friendships, I'm unsure about.  But I realize that I can only be responsible for my own actions and my own emotions and that I can't always be the one apologizing and running back, tail tucked, begging for friendship and love.  Accept and love me for who I am.  Or don't.  I have to love and accept my friends for who they are in return.  Love/friendship you have to beg for isn't worth it.  It's emotional blackmail and a sort of emotional purgatory.

I have discovered my spine this year.  It had been missing for a while so I am glad to have it back.

Along with the whole confidence movement, I have decided to fight in June at the TBA tournament in Iowa.  It's a direct result of the last year of emotional growth.  How something so physical, so, well, violent, can be tied into bettering one's self, I'm not sure, but there it is!  I'll be a few days away from my 40th birthday the weekend of the tournament..  There are days where I seriously think there is something wrong with me for wanting to fight when I'm 40.  But there are other days when I think that I have grown and matured as a fighter since the last time I fought, in 2008, and therefore I have more tools at my disposal, including (better) control of my temper and emotions.  I'm an instructor now, I have trained many times in Thailand, at various camps, I have grown in the gym and moved past some of the challenges that have plagued me in the past, most of which have been of my own construction.  So why not challenge myself with a fight?  I want to prove something to myself.  What that is exactly, I have a hard time verbalizing.  I worry that my drive to fight, that killer instinct, is a bit dulled as a result of the last few years, but I guess we'll see.  It's a question I want to ask but am scared of the answer.  Not "am I good enough?" but "am I strong enough?".  Although I guess killer instinct/warrior mentality and anger/temper are two separate things, at odds with one another.  I hope I have only dumped the anger/temper but maintained the warrior strength.  I have dreams about knocking people out in fights, so some of that warrior mentality is still alive and well.  I approach training in a more cerebral, structured way now.  This also includes weekly private training sessions to focus on my goal.  I want to fight.  I want to win a belt.  I just hope my body and mind hold up under the training.  A nagging chronic heel injury has me, on certain days, literally crying in frustration.  But it's just part of the game and I'll deal with it.  

That's quite a bit of brain farts for the first blog of year, isn't it?!  A sort of New Year's Resolution I guess.

I resolved that 2014 would be a turning-point, a change for the better.

It's been a good start. 

3 days til sunshine

3 days to go - can I survive?  I have no choice, do I!  One day of work, and then some training and packing.  Although I'm pretty much packed - a bag containing both cycling and Muay Thai gear - probably the biggest bag I have brought to Thailand ever.  Although much of it will remain there as I have some gifts, a bike helmet that needs to be left behind, and some random protein bars and electrolyte powders, etc. that will be consumed and therefore not return.  It's my shin guards and gloves that take up the bulk of the space.  But hauling my own shin guards is much better than risking infection with communal gym equipment.  Blech.

Time for a whole-body, whole-mind cleanse.  I suspect that the anti-depressant I am on, Wellbutrin, is making me irritated and quite angry.  It's not an uncommon side-effect as the drug is actually a stimulant.  But it's not a good one.  So I'm going to try coming off it and see what happens.  I'm not sure it's done anything for me anyway.  Except do away with the lethargy that the Lexapro caused, which is definitely a good thing.  But the anger/rage thing?  That is SOOOOO not good!  There are only so many solid objects that one can hit before your knuckles start being offended. 

I got some really good advice from a good friend today, about believing in yourself and not caring what other people think.  This is my resolution for 2013 - to stop being so affected by what other people think.  It drags me down and I can't function.  I have to be confident in myself.  It's a challenge, that's for sure.  That said, this advice coming from a guy who does believe in me and has always supported me, so of course that opinion counts!